The Bachelorette and Slut-Shaming

I love fluff television.

I am an avid watcher of the Bachelor / Bachelorette “reality” show on ABC.

Maybe it’s my desire for happily ever after.  Maybe it’s my desire to completely hate people I don’t know.  Maybe it’s to see the exotic places they travel, since I’ll probably never go.

I don’t know what the reason is, but I love the damn show.

Every Monday night, I have between 3-5 girls over to my house.  I make dinner, we DVR the show and start watching about 10:00 pm.  We make a big Bachelorette board, to keep track of the guys / girls that go home, the roses and special things that happen on the dates.  We get my scrapbook stickers and markers out and any of the girls are allowed to mark up the board, however they want.

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Our board for this season of the Bachelorette. Most elaborate one yet. And I just couldn’t bring myself to put an “X” over Britt.

It has become a fun tradition.

Until this season…

I love Kaitlyn.  I would have struggled watching if Britt was the Bachelorette.  I am not a fan of hers.

I love the way Kaitlyn is handling herself.  Even though I do not agree with every decision she makes, I get it.  She’s passionate.  She’s not afraid to speak her mind and let’s face it, she’s funny as fuck.

She has a wonderful group of guys.  I love them. Shawn B, Cupcake Chris, Benzie, Ben H and Joe.  GREAT GUYS.

BUT, I am watching this show with 3-5 girls, between the ages of 19-23.  They DO NOT like the fact that she continues to kiss these guys over and over and they definitely DO NOT like the fact that she fucked Nick in last night’s episode.  To be fair, I don’t like that she had sex with Nick either, because I think he’s a snake, but I completely understand how hormones took over and it happened.  She’s attracted to him.  She’s young and beautiful and likes sex.

This brings me to the topic of “Slut-Shaming”.  I am SO bothered by this.

I am an almost 40 year old woman, who loves sex.  I love intimacy and feeling that in tune with someone.  I love feeling wanted and needed and desired.  And frankly, sometimes, I just need to get laid.

Why are women shamed for this?  Why are we “whores” or “sluts” or “easy”?  Maybe physical attraction and intimacy are just important to us in relationships and we do what we can to find it.

Since coming out of my divorce, I wanted to be wanted by a man.  Actually wanted.  Someone who can’t keep their hands off you and can’t wait to get you home to ravage your body.  They make you feel special and beautiful and sexy.  Who the hell doesn’t want that?

Let me be clear on this though, I do not want to be someone who sleeps around.  I do not want to have multiple partners for the rest of my life.  I want to find one man, who wants me.  All of me.  My crazy.  My love.  My heart.  My body.

Let’s ask this question to all people out there who are slut-shaming Kaitlyn or woman like her (and me).    Say you meet a man.  He’s handsome.  His voice is sexy.  He treats you wonderfully.  You love everything about him.  But you have “rules” about getting intimate with someone.  So you fall for this guy.  You enjoy his company and everything about him.

After falling for him and him falling for you, you decide to finally have sex with him.  He’s awkward.  His penis is small and you can’t even feel it.  He’s a horrible kisser and can’t find your G-spot to save his life.  There is no physical attraction.  You would rather rip your hair out, one strand at a time and strangle yourself with it, than ever have sex with him again.

Do you stay with him because of all the good things about him?  Do you buy him a map, showing him where your G-spot is and what to do with it?  Or do you walk away, because you can’t possibly have a long term relationship with someone who you aren’t attracted too?

If you are reading this and thinking you would stay with him, you are a damn liar.

No offense.

I realize rules changes when you get to be older.  Maybe 55+?  Maybe 65+?  Maybe then, the intimacy doesn’t matter.  But from ages 18-40ish…it matters.  BIG TIME.

I, like Kaitlyn, would rather know.  Before my heart gets involved.  Before his heart gets involved.  Before there is a horrible, miserable break up that takes both months and months to recover from.

Do it.  Do it safely, but do it.

So, I do not judge Kaitlyn for having sex.  I do not judge her for allowing her emotions and hormones to take over in Dublin, Ireland.  The only thing I judge her for, is for sleeping with Nick.  He’s a sleazy, arrogant, Spencer-Pratt-looking asshole, who clearly only wants to win.

My final parting words on last night’s episode and slut-shaming…

To Kaitlyn: if you are gonna spend the night with anyone, make it Shawn B.  Or Cupcake Chris.  Stay away from Nick. He’s sleazy and doesn’t deserve your time, let alone your body.

To ABC: please take the microphones out of the bedroom before you air it on TV.  I DID NOT need to hear all that in last night’s episode.

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