Yellow or Red Flags?

I am pretty notorious for letting my mind run away with situations.  I overthink things a lot and tend to sabotage relationships, before I can get really hurt.  I try not to do it, but frankly, it just happens.  It’s my nature.

When it comes to the 29 year old, I have tried desperately not to do this.  I have tried to take things slow and with a grain of salt.

However, I have seen some warning flags and I don’t know how to deal with them.  I don’t know if it’s me sabotaging things and reading too much into things, or if they are legitimate.

I never hear from him on the weekends.  Now, I know he does construction and does some side jobs to make extra money.  He works out of town all week usually, so when he comes home on the weekends, he has to make time for family, his dogs and his friends.  And side jobs.  However, this is also the behavior of someone who works out of town and has a significant other at home.  I’ve lived this before.  You can talk all day during work hours, but weekends are off limits.  Makes me wonder.

He’s only stayed the night one time.  I live alone.  All alone.  Me and my dog.  This seems like the perfect opportunity to have people come over whenever I want and have people stay the night.  Yet, in the three months we’ve being “dating”, he has only stayed here one night.  I have driven to see him twice and stayed with him in hotel rooms.

Picks and chooses phone calls to answer.  When he has been here, he will answer work calls or certain phone calls.  He talks to people here.  On Thursday morning, when he came to visit for my birthday, someone called him four or five times in a row.  He didn’t answer, he just turned his phone face down and let it ring.

We’ve only been “out” once together.  The night he stayed the night, we went to karaoke.  At my hangout.  It was the first time I had ever taken anyone there, besides the Accidental Relationship.  It was weird for me, but I did it, because I like him.  We have never been anywhere else together.  It’s always here.  Always in a hotel room.  I have often wondered if he is embarrassed of me or being seen with me.  Maybe because I am 11 years older.

I only hear from him every couple of days.  I am more needy than this.  And maybe it’s my fault for not voicing that in the beginning.  I have allowed this behavior to be “ok” throughout our time together.  And to be fair, I do not message him first very often.  I do wait to hear from him usually.

I don’t know.  There are feasible reasons for all of these things happening.  He has told me he isn’t seeing anyone else and that he likes me a lot.

I don’t know if the flags I’m seeing are causing me to doubt him, or if my past experiences with men are causing me to find these flags.

Please don’t judge me.  I know that if these flags were being brought up by a friend or family member, I would tell them not to ignore them.  But I do know how my mind works and don’t know if I need to walk away, be patient or try to talk to him about my concerns.  I’m not very good at those kinds of talks.

I am afraid of messing up something good.  I am afraid of hurting someone and of being hurt.  I am already sad and the thought of being more sad, rips my heart out. After three months of seeing someone, there is a connection.  I am also scared that if I stay and ignore these flags, my heartache will be worse later.

I guess it doesn’t really matter if they are flags or not.  If I am not getting what I need out of this relationship, that should be enough to walk away from it.  I shouldn’t have to settle for someone who can’t give me what I need, no matter what our feelings are for each other.

How would you handle a situation like this?  How do you find the strength?  HELP.


10 thoughts on “Yellow or Red Flags?

  1. I would RUN! If any of those red flags were alone, you could rationalize it…but all together? It doesn’t even matter if he really does have someone else or not, you don’t want the same things out of the relationship- and that won’t change. You are not a priority to him.Do whatever you have to do to shore yourself up and break up with him sooner rather than later.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Point well taken. 🙂 I’m going to have a conversation with him this week and see if he’s emotionally on the same page, then go from there. For myself, I feel like I need to at least have the conversation. Thank you for your input! xoxo

      Liked by 2 people

  2. I’m sorry Andi – every single one of those is a red flag for married or taken. There is no doubt in my mind. If he was free to do as he chose, he wouldn’t be so limiting in your relationship and would certainly be staying over more frequently. Same with the phone…if he hasn’t shut it off it’s because he is worried about who is checking up on him.
    It’s not work, he is in a committed relationship. I have no doubt in my mind.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I think so too. Thank you for your input. I actually sent him a message this morning, telling him that I liked him but that I needed more than he was giving me. That I didn’t expect him to change, it just wasn’t enough for me. I see all the flags too…and it makes me so sad. xoxo

      Liked by 1 person

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