Feeling Completely Helpless

Over your lifetime, a lot of things happen that make you feel helpless.

Could be simple things, like your place of business not giving raises or when someone rear ends you, because they were texting.

Could be bigger things, like your sick animal who you can’t comfort or a dying friend that you have to say goodbye too.

No matter what the situation, feeling helpless is a horrible feeling.  Especially for someone like me.  I want to please.  I want to make sure those I care about and those in my circle are happy and thriving in their lives.

I want to take away pain.  I would rather take on the grief myself, than to have someone I love carry it.

But the hardest thing for me, is feeling helpless when it comes to my daughter.

She’s going to be 22 this year, so it’s happened a lot.

When she was teething.  When she fought her anxiety disorder.  When she was having a hard time with her boss at work.

Every struggle she’s had, I’ve had.

Each tear she has cried, I have cried.

Well now, for only the second time in her life, her heart is broken.  I cannot help.  I want to take away her pain.  I want to drop kick the little bastard.  I want to shake him and tell him that he needs to quit hurting my baby.

Let me give you a little background on my daughter.

I left her dad when she was 9 months old.  I was a single mom until I married in 2002.  My now ex-husband loved her and still loves her, but it was has been just me and her.  For her whole life.

She is better than most any human I have ever met.  She has very high standards for herself and for others.  She actually quit being friends with someone in High School because they drank and smoked weed and my daughter didn’t approve.

In Jr. High, she had her heart broken for the very first time.  It was 8th grade.  She loved this boy like any 13 year old is capable of loving.

After that, she struggled with an anxiety disorder and pretty much stayed away from dating.  She had some good guy friends, but put walls up around her heart, because it was easier.  She saw the pain that her friends went through and the struggles that I had with dating and decided it was easier to not pursue it.

Until now.  A few months after her 21st birthday, she met HIM.  I knew right away, by the way she talked about him and the way he treated her, that things were different.  Different for her.  She ended up giving her virginity to this boy.  At 21 years old.  This changes girls.  It makes us somehow more grown up.

They dated for almost two months after that.  Spent quite a bit of time together and she was somehow different.  More mature.  I was happy for her.  She was falling, hard.

As a mother, it’s hard not to be skeptical.  Especially when you are a mother who has had your own heart broken and see the horrible things men are capable of.  Men leave.  Men cheat.  Men lie.  Men just stop texting.  Now, I’m sure women do these things too, but I don’t do them and I’ve never dated a woman.  I can only speak on my experience.

His behavior got a little weird a few weeks ago.  There were days in between text messages.  Responses were short.  He stopped saying the sweet things he once said.  Then the little asshole decided that he was just going to stop responding all together.  It has now been over two weeks since she has heard from him.

A week ago, she sent him a message, pouring her heart out.  Telling him that she understood that he didn’t want to be with her anymore, but that she felt she deserved an explanation.

Well, I don’t disagree with her.

But I also know from experience, men have a hard time finding their testicles sometimes and won’t give an explanation.  Maybe he doesn’t have one.  Maybe he’s too immature to provide one.  Maybe he is a punk ass little bitch who needs to have his ass beat for treating my baby women like this.

I can only speculate what his reasons are.  None of them are good options to treat someone badly.

Bottom line is that it doesn’t matter what his reasons are.  It doesn’t matter to ME what he might be going through.  All that matters to me is that he is hurting my baby and there is nothing I can do to help her or take away her pain.

As a mother, that sucks.

Feeling helpless when your offspring are hurting, is the most horrible feeling to have.

Her pain is also changing her behavior towards me and her friends.  She is taking her pain out on us.  Her anger is aimed in the wrong direction.  And THAT pisses me the fuck off.

**Please note: I am generalizing here.  I realize that somewhere out there, there are probably good men who do not treat women like this.  I also realize that there are women out there that are equally awful.  My opinions are based solely on my kid hurting and my past experiences with men.  If Luke Bryan or some other good man is reading this, please don’t take offense.

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2 thoughts on “Feeling Completely Helpless

    1. I hope she does too. And I hope it doesn’t jade her to finding a new relationship and opening her heart up. I also hope she snaps out of it, before I have to kick her ass. 🙂

      Like

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