My New York

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It dawned on me, after my raving, angry, lunatic post last night, that many of you reading this, have no idea who New York is.

Maybe you don’t care.

Maybe you do.

To most people, New York is a state or city.  It’s full of excitement and always busy.  Full of tourists taking pictures, celebrities living the dream and many people who are trying to find their reason for living.

To me, New York is the love of my life.

It was November, 2011.  I was on Plenty of Fish, trying to meet new people.  I knew this was not the likely place to do it, but I was bored.

I saw his profile pop up.  He was so handsome.  I took a chance and sent him a message.  I had convinced myself that I wouldn’t hear back from him.  He was so good looking and guys like that, don’t generally like girls like me.  But I felt a pull.  I needed to say hi.

He responded within minutes.

We chatted back and forth for a few hours.  He told me he was headed out of town with some friends, but asked if he could text me.

Absolutely!!

We texted the whole weekend.

There was something different about him.

We decided to meet up.  I was nervous.

What if he doesn’t like me?

What if he isn’t the guy he’s been portraying to me?

You know, all the same shit that goes through your head when you meet anyone from online, for that first date.

We met at a golf course driving range.  A fun date, even though I don’t play golf.  I saw him and walked up to him.  He gave me a big hug and handed me a single pink carnation.  It was the sweetest gesture, as no man has ever given me a flower or flowers, for no reason.

We talked and laughed.  We hit a few golf balls on the driving range.  Well, he hit them.  I basically rolled them about 6 feet away from the tee.  We went over to the picnic table that was there.  He took my face in his hands and kissed me.  So tender and so sweet.  So magical.  It was definitely what first kisses should be.

From that point on, there was no looking back.  For the next five weeks, we spent a lot of time together.  It was love at first sight, for both of us.

Five weeks after we met, he called me.  I could hear in his voice that something was wrong.  The words he said, broke my heart.

I’m going to New York.  In two days.  I don’t know when I’ll be back.

What the fuck?

He left.  I cried.

He texted me and called me daily.  I cried.

I had never been to New York, so the thought of my heart being 3000+ miles away, terrified me.

In April, 2012, he called me.  Said he was sending me the money to get a plane ticket.

He did.

I booked a flight for the first of May.  I couldn’t believe I was going to be with my heart, in two weeks!!

I was scared.  I was ecstatic.  It’s a wide range of emotions in between.

I landed in NYC and immediately found my way outside to smoke a cigarette.  It’s a long fucking flight!

After I got my bag and my smoke, I got in the line for a taxi.  Let me tell you, NYC is organized!

I took a taxi to Manhattan.  I was going to meet my New York at his work.  I was taking I all the sights.  Amazed at the buildings and the people and the traffic.  And the Empire State Building.

OMG!  He walks past that on his way to work!  EVERYDAY!!

I was in love with the city.

My taxi driver got me as close to my location as he could.  I paid him the unreasonable amount for the cab ride, grabbed my bag and tried to catch my bearings.  I was in Manhattan!

I was intimidated, to say the very least.  A California girl, alone in this big city.  Trying desperately to find my man.  I followed the directions he gave me and all of a sudden, there he was.  We made eye contact across a busy Manhattan street.  Just like out of a movie, my prince was running through traffic, dodging all the taxi cabs to get to me.  He took me in his arms, kissed me and held me.

Right in the middle of New York.

My heart was full of love.

We spent the next four days together. Sight seeing and snuggled up in bed.

When he had to work, I explored Manhattan all by myself.

I saw everything.  Took in every sight, sound and smell of the city.

At night, I took in every minute of him that I could.

When the day came for me to fly home, I couldn’t stop crying.  I cried when we woke up.  I cried while I was packing.  I cried while riding the subway.  I cried when I said goodbye to him.  I cried in the taxi to the airport.  I cried on the plane.

It was awful.

That day, I left my heart in NY.  It’s still there.

My New York is 3000 miles away, with my heart.

He’s seeing someone now.  I know it’ll happen.  I’ve been dating.  But it breaks my heart to see pictures of them together on Facebook.  Facebook is the actual devil.

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