Tinder Sucks – Part Two

So, I have been back on Tinder for less than a week.

I’m already tired of it.

So far, I have had to “unmatch” three men (and I use the term loosely) because of things they said to me.

For example, last night, I matched with a guy who is 35.  I can’t remember his name at this point, because I unmatched him.  Anyway, he messaged me first and it was pretty generic conversation for a few minutes.  Then he said this “I don’t know if you know what a “photo guy” is, but I used to be one.  I posed nude for pictures, but don’t do it anymore.  My face was never in them, but I understand if you don’t want to message back”.

First of all, very random to tell me that about 10 minutes in to our chatting.

Second of all, if you aren’t doing it anymore and your face wasn’t in them, why in the actual fuck would I care?

Third of all, I’ve posed for nude pictures, without my face in them, so does that make me a “photo girl”?  Of course, I was taking them myself and only sending them to boyfriends.

So, I told him that.  I said “why would I care?  The past is the past.  IF we were ever in a relationship, I wouldn’t want you doing it, but it’s not a big deal”.

He seemed relieved by this.  Then asked me if he wanted to see the pictures, so I would believe him.

No.  I don’t want to see them.  I believe you.

Then he said “Oh good, I’m glad you said that.  I almost sent them to you anyway. LOL”

Ok…unmatch.  Buh-bye whatever your name was.

I unmatched another guy because he was getting way too deep with me in about 15 minutes of conversation.  Then sent me his phone number.  This is Tinder after all.  Could be a Ted Bundy-like character.  Just a weird vibe.

Bye, Bye, Mr. Bundy.

These are some of the cool things I’ve seen this weekend on Tinder:


Thanks Steve, not really into being peed on.  Left swipe!

IMG_0780 IMG_0743 IMG_0748 IMG_0751

Well at least Kevin was honest.  The picture of the handcuffs was a nice touch.  Kevin, Mike, David (Mr. 8″) and Zamien, good luck in your search.  Left, left, left..LEFT.


I do not understand this at all.  I guess it’s cool that Phaathit can do the splits, but I’m not sure I want to date someone who is more limber than I am.  This would literally rip my vagina in half and pull every muscle in my lower back and legs.  Left.


Ummmm…Thank you for your honesty.  LEFT.

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I am a stickler for good grammar and correct spelling.  I want people to use “your” and “you’re” correctly.  These are some horrible examples.  I’m pretty sure Steve meant “lose” not “loose”.  I think AwwSum (which I’m pretty sure isn’t his real name) meant “wheels”.  And everything is wrong with Robb.  EVERYTHING.  LEFT. LEFT. LEFT.

IMG_0770 IMG_0768 IMG_0766

Sean has either had this account for 2 years, and never updated his “about me” or he’s lying somewhere.

I’m pretty sure “Flathead” isn’t a real name and if it is, your parents clearly hated you.

And Matt looks like a beautiful woman, who was married in the 1950’s maybe?  Maybe earlier.  Needless to say, he looks a lot more feminine and older, than a man in his early 30’s.

To the left, to the left.


When did Matthew McConaughey start using Tinder?  He’s pretty famous and pretty hot, I’m not sure he needs Tinder.  But to each his own.  Also, why is he using a picture from 2011?  That’s four years ago and I think he’s still hot.  Sorry, Matthew.  Swipe Left.

But when you are swiping through your eligible bachelors and you get a match, it’s almost magical!  You hear wedding bells start to chime and you feel like you may have hit the jackpot!  Holy shit, someone liked me back!  Ok, I’m being a little bit dramatic, but you get my point!

This is what pops up on the screen, if you liked someone who liked you first:


See?  It’s exciting.

My favorite part of this popping up, is the “Keep Playing” button at the bottom.

It’s not fucking scrabble.

This go round on Tinder, I have decided that I will not message guys first.

So I wait.  Sometimes wait and wait and wait.  Pretty soon, I’m going to wait so long, I’m going to look like Matt probably looks today, after being married 60 years ago.

Just as an example, in my Tinder inbox, right this minute, I have 22 matches and 13 of them have not contacted me at all.  Not one word.  This does not include the people that I have unmatched or those that may have unmatched me.

Of the 9 people that I have conversed with, only 3 of them have gone beyond a few messages back and forth.


Most of them go pretty much like this.  Apparently Walt got lost in my eyes and never found his way out.  Or some other girl with pretty eyes, responded quicker.  I don’t know what the reasoning behind it is.

I guess on this app, when you are possibly matching with 25+ people every week, you may get your conversations confused.  You may find someone you genuinely like and forget about the others, or your wife may find you on the app and kill you.

I am already tired of Tinder.  I am already tired of the games and the lack of responses.

I do not have the patience for it.

Hopefully, the next update I have, will be more positive.

Happy Tindering.


6 thoughts on “Tinder Sucks – Part Two

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