Dear 29 Year Old,
I walked in to the karaoke bar, all alone. I was terrified and nervous to be there by myself. I thought for sure people were judging me. I ordered a beer and went outside to smoke.
There you were. In all your young, handsome glory.
We started talking and flirting. You kissed me. You asked me for my number.
That night, when I found out how old you were, I figured I would never see you again. It was just some innocent flirting at a bar.
You texted me the next morning. And later that night, you came to visit. After some good sex, I figured that would be it. A nice one time thing, with a guy 10 years younger.
Imagine my surprise when I kept hearing from you and kept seeing you. The communication wasn’t as often as I wanted, but you were busy. I chalked it up to a 29 year old who was just did not have the need for constant communication.
I told you at one point, very early on, that I understood if I had to “share” you. You told me that you never dated or slept with more than one person at a time. That was great news for me! I was fishing and you took the bait! At that point, you asked me to let you know if I was sleeping with anyone else, so we could use protection. I told you I wasn’t. You told me how uncommon that was and that you thought it was sexy.
A few weeks later, after not seeing you very much, you asked me to come and stay with you out of town. I did. I drove two hours to see you and stay the night with you.
Things seemed a little off, but again, I ignored the flag and just chalked it up to you being exhausted from work. We ended up having a nice night together and a lot of sex.
In the morning, when you left for work, I stayed in the hotel room to get ready for work. I saw some white slippers on the floor. They looked like woman’s slippers, but when I tried them on, they were big. There was no other signs of a woman being there. Not one. So again, I chalked it up to my imagination. They were cheap dollar store slippers. I thought maybe you bought them to run back and forth to the spa at the hotel. I never mentioned this to you.
My suspicions started to grow over the next month. I never saw you on weekends and barely heard from you. During the week, I would get one or two text messages, when you were out of town or driving.
I told you a couple weeks ago that I couldn’t do it anymore. That I wasn’t getting what I needed. That I understood you were busy, but I needed more time and attention. I need to be in a real relationship. I told you that the “casual” wasn’t good for me. That I wasn’t good at it. You responded to me by saying that you wanted it to work and that we should talk about things.
That was over three weeks ago.
A week ago, you texted me that you wanted to see me and missed me. I told you again that we needed to talk. I said the words “I feel like the other woman” to you. That was on Tuesday, 7/14. You never responded to that text.
Friday you texted me. Saturday you texted me. Monday, 7/20, you texted me and told me you were working up the hill and wanted to stop by so we could finally have that talk. And maybe stay a night or two with me.
Of course that didn’t work out, because “traffic” was bad.
Tuesday morning, 7/21, you texted me and told me you got off at 5:30 or 6 am and would like to come see me. For me to let you know what day worked best for me. I never responded.
Tuesday afternoon, I log on to Facebook. Evil Facebook.
I went to your page.
I wish I wouldn’t have.
On Tuesday, 7/14, the exact day that I told you I felt like other woman, you updated your Facebook status to “In a Relationship”.
The girl who liked it, has her profile picture of you and her together. I wonder if she knows that you spent the last three and half months lying to me. I wonder if she knows that you are sleeping around and telling people they are the only one.
Maybe she’s a new relationship.
Maybe you just met her and she’s your soul mate.
I don’t know. But here are a few things I do know:
I hate you for making me feel this way. For making me feel like I mattered. For making me feel like I was beautiful and wanted. For making me feel like this could be real. And then taking it all way. Just like that. One social media post, that you never expected me to see.
I have known in my heart since day one, that this wasn’t going to work. Guys like you, don’t like girls like me. You are young, handsome, in shape, not a care in the world. You can have your pick of girls. I am old, out of shape and have baggage. I knew it then and your behavior just validates it.
Why would you play me like this? What joy did you possibly get out of hurting me this way? How do you sleep at night knowing that you fucked with my heart and if your girlfriend knew, she’d have her heart broken?
I will never understand it. I will never get answers because you aren’t man enough to give them to me.
All I ask, is that you thank your lucky stars that I am the way I am. If I were a mean, vindictive, hurtful woman, your girlfriend would see the naked picture of you on my bed, dated three weeks ago today.
You are everything that is wrong with men.
You are the very definition of a coward.