I Make Bad Decisions

This is no secret.

I’m going to write this and put it out in the universe for the first time.

For the last year and half, I have been having occasional sex with a married man.

None of the details of it matter.

It is what it is and we have always been honest with each other about where things are.

HOWEVER, one thing he wants in his fantasy world, is a threesome.  Which does not surprise me, since it seems to be a fantasy of most men.

I’ve done it.  It isn’t my thing.

I’ve told him, over the last year or so, that I couldn’t have a threesome with him, because it would be difficult for me to see him with someone else.  I’ve lived it.  I know.

Then slowly, because I care about him, I told him that if he really wanted it, we could make it happen, but it would be the last time him and I could be together.  It would end whatever the fuck this is that we are doing.

Today is his birthday.  I told him that he could have lovin’ of his choice for his birthday.  He brought up the threesome again.  Of course he did.

I have decided to try to make this happen for him, knowing that my relationship with him will be over, once the threesome happens.

It makes me sad.  My eyes are filling with tears, just thinking about it being over.

I care about him.  Love him, maybe.  I want him to be happy.  I want him to have every fantasy fulfilled.  I am willing to sacrifice “us” for his happiness.

But here is where I need help.  I need the third person to be someone that I have no ties to, emotionally or otherwise.  I need to find someone that we both are attracted to, but that I won’t have to see ever again.

Knowing that this will end my friendship / relationship with him, is killing me.

But I want him to be happy.

So I need suggestions…where can I find someone who will be willing to do this and be discreet about it?