There is a guy that I’ve been texting and snapping with for a couple weeks now. I met him on Tinder, before I remembered I hated Tinder.
E is sexy. He is not what I usually look for physically, but dammit, he is hot. There is something about him.
When we first starting chatting on Tinder, he told me that he was in the middle of his second divorce and was broken. He said he was damaged and couldn’t offer anyone his heart or any kind of a commitment. I thanked him for his honesty and wished him good luck.
He wrote me back and said he would always be honest, because he refused to mess with someone’s heart. Asked if we could keep texting and getting to know each other. He said he was looking for friends to hang out with, play pool with and have a few drinks with. I told him, very honestly, that I could not do the casual sex thing. Well I could, but that I didn’t want to, because it was hard on my heart when I got attached. He said he wasn’t looking for a sex partner, just friendship.
So I decided it couldn’t hurt anything.
Here’s the thing, we started texting and within a week or so, the conversation turned sexual, because why wouldn’t it. We started talking about likes and dislikes, sending some suggestive, but not explicit pictures.
He told me, as all men do, that he likes orally taking care of a woman and is really good at it. Yeah, fucking right! You all say that and couldn’t figure it out if I drew you a fucking map!! But I am hot-blooded woman, in my sexual prime and I was intrigued.
Anyway, it’s been easy conversation. Talking about kids and music and work. He has told me that he has a couple friends that he meets up with, occasionally, to get rid of the sexual urge. They know the other exists and he doesn’t hide it. He sends me pictures on Snapchat, telling me good morning and calling me beautiful.
We were talking about meeting a couple days ago for a drink or two. I was excited and scared. I finally thought I should tell him.
I sent him a text that broke it down for him. I told him I wasn’t ready to meet him face to face. That I knew myself well enough and that I couldn’t do the casual sex thing, without getting attached. I told him that since he clearly couldn’t give me anything serious, I was worried. That I had been hurt very recently and wasn’t sure I could handle it.
I wasn’t sure if he would respond. And if he did, would it be nasty? Would it be a goodbye?
He did respond. And he was an angel about it.
He said he understood and because he was damaged and didn’t expect anyone to “fix him”, that he knew he couldn’t give me commitment and anything more than friendship. He said that I was amazing and he would never want me to do anything I was uncomfortable with or that I would regret later. Then he ended the text with saying “Andi, I enjoy talking to you and flirting with you. If you want to be ‘virtual friends’ for right now, or forever, I’m ok with that.”
Yah, it may be a total line.
I don’t give one fuck if it is, it made me feel better.
Yesterday, he told me that when he “swiped right” and it said he matched with me, he was shocked. I asked him why. He said “You are beautiful and way out of my league. I didn’t think you’d give me the time of day.”
Yah, that might be a total line too.
Again, I don’t give one fuck.
So, of course, my
vagina head and my heart are arguing.
I know it’s not a good idea to see him. The fear of my heart getting involved at some point, is terrifying. I know me so well. I get attached.
BUT, I am a hot blooded American woman who loves sex. I should be able to explore that. I really should find out if he’s that orally gifted.
My heart tells me I’m a dumb bitch. I want a relationship, a forever. I want someone who loves me no matter what. I have people in my world that I can have sex with. I don’t need to find someone new for that.
vagina head tells me that I am a grown woman and should be able to separate the two. Finding someone to have sex with and a few drinks now and then, is not a bad thing. I can still look for my forever, without my vagina growing cobwebs.
Maybe E is the perfect solution for me.
Maybe E is someone else feeding me crap to get me into bed.
But, I ask you this, if he really does enjoy going down on women, and he’s really good at it, shouldn’t I find that out?
And on a side note, he isn’t asking me for a threesome. So that’s something.