Sand, Sun and Old Flames

I have been super grouchy lately.

Ok, maybe grouchy isn’t the right word.

I’ve been really, really sad.  Hating men, hating my job and basically just hating life.  The sparkle has been gone from my eyes and THAT makes me even sadder.

Between the 29 year old being a complete asshole, the Accidental Relationship leaving and the married guy being a dick about me not wanting to have a threesome, I’m done.  Emotionally exhausted.

I decided last Friday that I needed some time off work.  I have 150+ hours of vacation, so I scheduled Monday and Tuesday off work.

On Monday, I sat on my ass most of the day.  Actually, all weekend I did that.

The girls all came over on Monday for the second night of Bachelor in Paradise.  We had a good time.  Me and my kid had a few drinks, danced to Michael Jackson on the Wii and laughed.  For the record, getting tipsy with your kid, is pretty great.

We decided that since we all had Tuesday off, we would head to the Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk on Tuesday morning.  Me and my kid and her sister.  My bonus daughter.

Woke up yesterday morning, a little bit hung over, got ready and put on a damn bikini.  Yep, I didn’t give one fuck.  I figured it didn’t matter because I wasn’t planning on meeting anyone and didn’t know one person there.

We hopped in the car and took the three hour drive to Santa Cruz.  Rocking out to music I had never heard and laughing with my girls.  It felt amazing to laugh like that.  I took a picture of all of us, when we stopped to pee, and the sparkle was back in my eyes!  I was happy.  Genuinely happy.

We laid on the beach, played Frisbee in the sand, took a million selfies with the selfie stick and ate a lot of junk food.  Funnel cake, garlic fries and shaved ice.  We rode a couple rides, including the Big Dipper roller coaster.  I can’t remember the last time I rode a roller coaster and can’t remember having that much fun.  I was literally belly laughing!

We got home around 11:30 last night and I was tired, but felt almost rejuvenated.

Then this morning, I received a text from CD.

Let me give you a little recap of CD.

We were co-workers and started up a brief romance.  Almost 5 years ago.

He was an asshole to me.  He didn’t want anything to do with me, unless it was on his terms.  I was just getting out of my marriage and wanted so desperately to be loved.  (Apparently nothing has changed in five years)  Anyway, I could have fallen in love with him.  With the idea of him.  I thought he was wonderful and didn’t notice, at the time, how badly he was treating me.  His words bordered on abusive, but in a backhanded way.

Anyway, he ended up moving to Southern California and I very rarely heard from him.  I have seen him few times, when he comes up here for work, but that has been the extent of our friendship.  He kissed me once, about two years ago, and it was nothing to me.  None of the excitement or joy I used to have.

He called me, out of the blue, in June.  He wanted to come stay with me.  For a week.  A MOTHER FUCKING WEEK.  I told him I was dating two guys and he may be able to take me to dinner or for a drink, but that I wouldn’t let him stay with me, especially for a week.

I ended up getting really, really annoyed with him over the next couple of weeks.  I finally texted him and told him that my relationship with one of the guys had gone to exclusive and I wasn’t going to be able to see him.

End of story.

He has texted me a few times over the past month and I pretty much ignored him or kept my answers to one word.

He really hurt me.  Emotionally.

Anyway, back to this morning.

Him: Hi.  How are you?

Me: Fine.  You?

Him: Good.  How’s your boyfriend?

Me: He fucked me over pretty good.

Him: I’m so sorry.

Me: Sure.

Him:  You’re a good person.

Ignore.

Him: I have an idea.

Me: ?

Him: You should come stay with me over Labor Day.  I will take you to the beach and enjoy the sun.

Me: Can’t.  Daughter moving that weekend.

Him: Oh, do you need help?  I could come up there.

Yes, with my ex-husband.  Sounds fun.

Me: Can I ask you something?

Him: Yes.

Me: Why do you want to see me so desperately?

Him: The distance of where we live is a lot.  But I travel more up there and I’d like to spend time getting reacquainted.

Me: That isn’t an answer to why.

Him: I want you to be proud of me.  For a while, I wasn’t doing good.

Ignore. 

Him: I also didn’t want to be a rebound thing from before

Ummm..what?  Ignore.

Him: Do you want to see me?

Me: Honestly.  I don’t know.

Him: We can always talk.

Ignore.

What in the fuck is wrong with people?  He did not want to be in my life, when I wanted him there.  He was mean to me and made me feel about myself.  So now, that he’s single and living 400 miles away, he wants to get “reacquainted”?  I’m pretty sure he just wants to get laid, but frankly, I have better options.

I’ve had enough of it.

I’m debating on messaging him back and telling him exactly how I feel about things.  I am not the same person I was a year ago, let alone five years ago.  My heart has been broken too many times and I’ve been played too many times.

So here is where I walk away.

Two side notes:

~ Today is 2 weeks since I messaged the 29 year old and 15 days since I heard from him.  He’s a pussy.

~ Haven’t heard from the married guy, since I told him I wouldn’t have a threesome with him.  Guess all those that said he didn’t care about me, hit the nail right on the head.

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