Single Crazy Cat Lady

Or in my case, Mr. Accidental Relationship, Mr. New York, Mr. Rocker and Mr. Perfect.  Oh yah, and a fucking hypocritical cowboy.

The normal ups and downs of life are hard enough to deal with, yet men (and I use that term loosely) still feel the need to fuck with women.  I wish I could figure out why.  I wish I could figure out where all the good ones are.  My guess is probably married, stranded on a deserted island or gay.

Not all guys can be douchebags, right?

Although, I have no evidence to point me in any other direction.

I am newly forty and have had my share of assholes, fuck boys and heartbreak, especially over the last few years with this online dating shit.

I struggle with a few things, trying to date in my late 30’s and now at 40.

Lack of Communication

This is not a problem for me.  I’m a good communicator, maybe even an over-communicator.  If that is a thing.  I respond to text messages in a timely fashion.  I check my stupid dating sites for messages and respond timely, if I’m interested.  You ask me a question, I answer it.  Honestly.

What I don’t understand is men who do not communicate.  At all.  They send “hey”.  Or respond with “I’m fine”.  They have no desire to keep a conversation going, but then will send you a message a couple days later that says “What’s up?”.  You know what is up asshole?  What’s up is that you can’t carry on a conversation, so I don’t really want to talk to you anymore.

Walking Away With No Warning

Oh we’ve all been here. Maybe we were even the one that did the walking, a time or two.  It is really hard to hear that someone isn’t interested in you.  I completely understand that.  It sucks hearing it and it sucks saying it.  But when guys just quit texting first or stop responding to you, delete you as a friend on Snapchat, “unmatch” you on Tinder or won’t answer your phone calls, it hurts.

If you are anything like me, you find yourself wondering where you went wrong.  You replay the whole “relationship” over and over in your mind.  You read old text messages, trying to find out when things changed.  You may be able to pinpoint the exact day of change, or you may not be able to see it at all.

When it is completely out of the blue, it can be hard to swallow.  For me personally, it plays tricks on me.  I start to wonder if all of my insecurities came to light.  I start beating myself up for trying to hard or being to available.  I secretly keep my fingers crossed, hoping he got trampled by a herd of elephants while trekking through Africa.

Judgmental People in Relationships

You know who you are.  Please don’t be offended by this.  No actually, go ahead and be offended.  You hurt my feelings all the time.

I’m happy for you that you are in a relationship.  I’m glad that your man loves you and you feel so eternally blessed to have found your soul mate.  Truly, Cinderella, I’m happy for you that your Prince Charming came in to your life.

HOWEVER,

Do not judge me for having sex with someone on the first date.  I know the old saying says a guy won’t buy the cow if he can get the milk for free.  I don’t fucking care.  I am a woman, in her sexual prime.  Sex feels great.  Or it should.  I enjoy it.  Stop rolling your eyes at me and go have sex with your other half.

Do not think I am a horrible human for having a relationship with a married man or a man with a girlfriend.  You have not walked in my shoes.  You do not know our private conversations or how my heart feels.  If you are going to judge me, that’s fine, just know it isn’t going to change my behavior.

Not one person on this Earth is perfect.  Not one person hasn’t done something they aren’t proud of.  We all have the proverbial skeletons in our closet.  Some people probably have real skeletons in their closets, but I don’t know the story, so that is their problem.

If you are in a relationship, or your beliefs are different, that’s ok.  That’s what makes us human.  Just try not to be so judgmental of others when you don’t know.

Those who live in glass houses, blah blah blah.

Lying

I don’t like liars in general, but when it comes to dating, there are few things I don’t get.

Do not lie about your height.  Do you think a woman isn’t going to notice that you are 5’4″ when she meets you?

Do not lie about wanting a relationship, if you are just looking for sex.  If you want sex, fucking say so!  I’m an adult.  I can make my own decision.  If you are attractive to me and I enjoy talking to you and the penis pictures you’ve been sending, chances are, you’ll get some.  Hopefully we’ll both benefit.  But please, please, PLEASE, do not tell me you are looking for your better half, the woman who will complete you and then have sex with me once and disappear off the planet.  I know I’m good in bed, but not good enough to cause you to stop breathing and not be able to contact me again.

Don’t lie about your current relationship status.  Be honest and let me make my own decision.  Let me decide what is best for me and my current world.  Women are pretty fucking smart, and I promise you, we WILL find out.

Especially if we’ve been hurt in the past.

Actually, scratch all of that.  Just don’t lie about anything. Except maybe your weight, cause we all lie about that.

…

So right now, I have given up on everyone.  I have deleted my online dating profiles.  Didn’t just make them inactive, or hide them, they are GONE.  Deleted.  Completely.

The Accidental Relationship, texts me once in a while, but it’s all nonsense conversation.  I don’t know if he is still planning on moving or not.  I can’t bring myself to ask.  I don’t know that I really want to know.

Mr. New York texted me this weekend.  Him and his girlfriend broke up.  I told him it was because his heart was in California. He wants me to go and see him.  I’m debating.  Although, the thought of saying goodbye to him again, kills me.  It physically hurts my heart.

The married man is still around.  I hear from him randomly.  It’s a dangerous fling for me.  I thought about him all weekend and realized that I genuinely like him.  Maybe even love?  He has no intention of leaving the Mrs.  He and I have never talked about this being more than it is.  We are friends first, lovers when it is convenient.  It’s going to end badly for me.  And. I. Don’t. Care.

And that is all there is.  Everyone else has dropped off the face of the Earth, or I’ve pushed them.

A married man, a man 3000+ miles away and me.  Perfect.

While I’m thinking about it, here is what my future looks like…

I’m the one in the top left hand corner, in case you didn’t recognize me.
Also pictured are Fluffy, Spot, Franklin, Thomas, Chandler and Love Muffin. There are others in the picture too, but didn’t want to be tagged in the photo. ❤