When New York moved away, we had only been dating for 5 weeks. In my defense, if I need one, it was love at first sight. Or as close as I have ever come.
It has been over three and a half years since he left. I have only seen him one time since he moved 3000+ miles away. However, when his life isn’t going well or relationships end on his side, I’m always the one he texts. He wants to see me. He misses me. He loves me.
I have no doubt that those things are true every day, but they seem to really come out and shine when he is alone and unhappy in Big Ol’ New York City.
I have ended things with New York. I am done playing the games, done being the one who he leans on when things are bad. Done seeing pictures of him and his girlfriend splattered all over Facebook.
But this morning, a weird thing happened to me.
I woke up, with a dick pic from the Accidental Relationship.
Hold on while I look at it again.
Ok. Wow. Just fucking wow.
Let me gather my thoughts.
So, I saw the picture, smiled and then hopped in the shower. I didn’t respond. He’s almost 900 miles away and left without so much as a goodbye. Fuck him, but thank you for the picture!
I got out of the shower and had another message from him. Telling me, among other things, how horny he was and how much he would love to be inside me.
Really? Oh there’s that damn pic again!
I responded with just a naked shower picture of me, from the waist up, making a sexy kissy face. Not a duck face, just a normal kissy face. Boy…he liked it!
He went into conversation about the best times we had sex. How hot I was. How much he wanted me.
Of course you do, you are 900 miles away! Oh there’s the pic again!
He then said something that shocked me. He said that I was the best sex he’d ever had. It doesn’t surprise me that he thought it was good, because I know my talents. But it did surprise me that he said “best ever” because he’s had sex with a lot, A LOT, of women. I told him I doubted that I was the best ever and he said he would never lie about something like that.
Well of course not, why would you? You lie about everything else though.
I have been texting with him, on and off, all day long. This is the most conversation we have had in months and months. Since February actually. I didn’t realize how much I missed him. Talking with him and laughing with him.
I was talking to a friend at work about it. She said something to me that really hit home.
She said that these two men in particular, have moved away from everything they know, everything that is “safe”. She asked me if I thought maybe I was their safe place. The person that kept them grounded to their home base, so to speak.
Maybe. Makes sense.
I do believe that each of them has loved me, to the best of their ability. Not enough to make them want to stay and be with me, but the best they knew how.
Maybe now with the miles in between us, it’s safe. They know I can’t get overly attached and emotional. I’m entertaining, funny and will sometimes oblige their urges with naked pics or dirty messages.
Maybe that makes me the perfect woman for them. Right now.
I don’t know. Something to ponder for the evening.
Now, back to my picture. *sigh*