When Did Sex Become A Normal Outcome?

I work with a lady who, by her words, is almost 60.  She’ll be 58 in November.  Her husband turned 59 in June.

They have been together since she was 14.  Yes, you read that right.  FOURTEEN.

He was newly 16, when the met and started “dating”.  He had previously been with another girl, but for a little over 43 years, they have been the only one the other has been with.  (Well, to the best of her knowledge)

I know them as a couple and individually, and let me tell you, I’m convinced that they were clearly put on this Earth to be together and complete each other.  I have not one doubt.

She’s a good friend to me.  An amazing woman and friend.  However, the problem with talking to her about dating in 2015 and the douche bags I tend to meet, is that she has absolutely NO clue how to help me.  She can’t imagine dating in this day and age and dealing with the complications and pain that come with it.

She asked me why meetings and dates always ended in sex.  Or usually.  First, I assured her that I was not the only one who did this.  Second, I told her that I didn’t know.  There could be several reasons.

Texting

I firmly believe this is a huge reason sex happens so often on a first meeting.  You meet someone online and go through the hours and days of communicating through text.  You find out all kinds of stuff about this person, what they enjoy doing, what types of food they like, what their worst nightmare was as a kid.  They ask for a picture, you giggle and say “what kind of picture?”.  They send back the smiling devil emoji.

By the time you actually meet someone, you know their entire life story, what position they prefer during sex and you’ve probably heard them brag about their skills, orally or otherwise.  You feel like you know them and sex is the next step.

Alcohol

Because most good stories start with alcohol consumption.

A lot of times when you meet someone for the first time, you decide to have alcohol.  It isn’t a bad idea.  I do it.  It relaxes you and lets your guard come down a little bit.  In my case, it throws my guard out the fucking window and then runs it over, twice.

When I’m drinking and my inhibitions are lowered, if the kisses are good and he’s attractive, chances are, I’ll put out.  I KNOW it’s not a decision to be proud of, but I’m honest.

Insecurities

I have a lot of insecurities.  I will not go in to them, because I think they are probably the same across the board for most women.

BUT, I know that sex is something I’m good at.

I don’t know if deep down, I think I can win them over with it or feel like I should get mine before things go horribly wrong.

I told my friend that when I was a teenager, I used to get butterflies from the thought of a first kiss.  And to be honest, I still do.  There can be something so magical about the first kiss, if it’s good.

But now, it seems like sex has become the norm.  Maybe it’s just me. Maybe I am just easy.  It just seems like sex has become as common as a hand shake, a hug or a first kiss.

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10 thoughts on “When Did Sex Become A Normal Outcome?

  1. It depends on what the men you meet are looking for, and how you are interacting with them prior to meeting. Guaranteed a guy you sext with before a first date and sleep with on the first date probably treats you different than women who don’t. It took me a long time to believe it and longer to internalize it.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. That may be true. The guys I meet are all different walks of life, ages and histories. I am ultimately looking for a long term relationship, but I’m dating E right now. We had sex on the first date and he treats me better than anyone else EVER has. This post was more because my girlfriend asked the question about sex.

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      1. Yup, the ones I met were all different too. I fought what logically shouldn’t be the case for the longest time.

        I’m glad you believe he’s treating you well. I’m just picking up on all that other stuff you’ve mentioned about him that run contrary to that – but I always hope I’m wrong 🙂

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  2. I’m with Ann. If you’re just dating casually, then maybe you let things go in that direction and are OK with it. I’m looking for a LTR, and won’t tolerate any of that funny business. Any guy who gets sexual or asks for those kind of pictures is not a guy I am going to meet. I’m going on my fourth date with Popcorn tonight. He hasn’t missed me or held my hand yet. He’s never said (or texted) anything sexual, or asked for any pictures. That’s the way you know they are serious!

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    1. I am also ultimately looking for a long term relationship, but I’m not one who thinks that having sex on the first date will ruin that. 🙂 xoxo

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      1. Andi, I fought that notion tooth and nail because I think it’s ridiculous, as I’m sure you do. But out of the many many men I’ve been with in the last two years, a precious few didn’t translate sex on the first date to equaling a short term thing.

        I’ve seen it played out time and time again. I do hope your experience is different but everything I’ve read and experienced speaks to the contrary.

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      2. I don’t think that sex on the first date necessarily rules out a LTR. If you meet someone and get on great, have a wonderful first date and time of chemistry and end up in bed, it could end up being more. I do, however, believe that you set the tone for your relationship by your initial interactions. If you are setting a man before even meeting him, he is most likely not looking at you as possible girlfriend material

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  3. *raises hand* I will admit I have done the sex first and getting to know someone afterwards. Things have changed over the past 20 years. Why shouldn’t we just use a man for sex? Males have done it for centuries. I don’t think you are easy, if you’re like me. Then you are picky about who you have sex with. Be confident, be honest and do what you think is right! xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for the sweet comment! Makes me feel better to somehow know that I am not alone. I am picky about the guys I meet and definitely the ones I sleep with. I guess since I only write about the ones I meet and sleep with, it may make me look like a whore. 🙂 xoxo

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    2. I have absolutely used men for sex. Many times! Where I see women get into trouble is when we then expect it to be something more. I haven’t seen many women who are able to maintain sex-only relations with a man they actually really like. I’ve slept with a ton of men since my divorce and used them for sex but when I really like them, I can’t do it.

      Liked by 3 people

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