Over the past 4 days, I have started several blogs. Started writing and deleting. Reading. Writing. Deleting. Repeat. Over and over and over.
For those of you who don’t know, or don’t care, I had a blog that I started a little over a year and half ago. It contained more posts about life in general. Amy’s journey with brain cancer, dating, surviving stressful work situations and sex.
I had a little over 200 followers on that blog and I loved it. It eased my mind to write and there were several posts that made me cry and several that made me laugh out loud.
I deleted that blog in early May of this year. Completely gone. Deleted forever. All my thoughts just gone. The feelings that I went through from finding out Amy had cancer, to dealing with being a “bonus” mom to her kids. Dealing with breakups. New jobs possibilities. Memories of my grandparents. Gone. Forever.
I had an ex-friend of mine, who I naively gave my blog site address too. He continued to read it, after our friendship was over. He used my own words against me and would text me or email me, with things I said in my blog. I felt a little like I was being stalked and was very grateful that he didn’t’ know where I lived.
I found myself filtering what I was saying. Who I was talking about. Details about life. So I deleted it. To end the struggle, I wiped out everything I had written, for 16 months.
I find myself feeling that way a little right now.
Like I need to filter my thoughts and my feelings.
I’m not sure why I feel like this.