I have been through a lot of shit in my life. Not as much as some and more than others. I probably rank about a 6 on the 1-10 shit meter.
I survived heart surgery as a child.
I survived a domestically violent relationship. WHILE PREGNANT.
I survived being a single mom at the age of 19.
I survived a failed marriage and again, kept raising my kid alone.
And if you can imagine, I even survived showing up to work in one navy blue and one black shoe one day.
I’m just kidding about that. I went home and changed my shoes.
One of the things that hasn’t changed through the years, is my ability to be empathetic. I care about others. Strangers and friends and family.
We have a transgender at our work. I had worked with him for 10 years prior to finding out that he felt like a woman, trapped in the wrong body. I struggle with using correct pronouns, I struggle with the bathroom use situation and I definitely don’t understand what is going on, but I definitely have empathy. I can’t imagine it’s an easy situation now, let alone, growing up feeling like you didn’t fit in anywhere.
I think at some point, we are all uncomfortable in our own skin, for a variety of reasons. The reasons don’t necessarily matter.
So, as I have talked about on this blog, I have been dating E for almost four months now. He has been dating other people, including his roommate, the entire time. I knew about it upfront and decided to try to be ok with it.
There was a connection between him and I that was undeniable. I can’t put it into words, so please, just trust me on this.
Slowly, over the last few months, our feelings grew for each other and the other women he was dating dwindled. It is now down to her and I.
Except she’s fucking crazy.
I believe wholeheartedly that she moved in to his house, as a ‘roommate’, to try and woo him. She thought making him dinner, doing his laundry and taking care of him, would make him want to be with her, forever. Now, E does not agree with me on this, but women are women. I get it.
Excuse me for using the word “woo”. I realize it isn’t 1937 any more and people probably don’t “woo” each other.
She says she has always been ok with him dating others. Which she might be. I don’t know, I’m not in her head. However, once he started to have feelings for me, she started panicking.
I try to be respectful when I know they are having their date night. It kills me, but every Saturday night, I leave him alone. Unless I hear from him. I find other things to do and occupy my time as best I can. I’m not really respecting her, but I’m respecting him.
She, on the other hand isn’t so respectful. We had the issue with her stalking my Facebook and then texting him to have him ask me to block her. WHILE HE WAS WITH ME. Oh yeah, and not only with me, we were at my parents house for dinner and Yahtzee.
She has a habit of doing this. Every time he is with me, she attempts to start a fight with him that day or texts him shitty things while he is with me. She thinks it is going to ruin his time with me, it doesn’t. Frankly, it just makes him appreciate me more.
But here is where I feel like my maturity and empathy are hitting a high.
A friend gave me two tickets and a parking pass to the Oakland Raiders game on Sunday. I asked E to join me and of course he did because it’s an NFL game. He had never been to one NFL game in his life.
She got pissed, before we even left because she wanted to take him to his first NFL game. Get the fuck over it. You should have gotten tickets then.
When we got to Oakland, he was almost in awe. We took a few pics together and of the playing field. We shared a soda, laughed and snuck a few kisses in. I asked him if it was ok for me to tag him in Oakland with me, and a post a pic on his Facebook (because I’m fucking courteous) and of course he said yes. So I did.
Well…at precisely the same moment, he was tagging ME in Oakland and posting a pic of us together. It was at this very moment, I knew the shit was going to hit the fan.
Here is a quick series of events, from this moment on. The spanned about 4 hours.
She commented on his post. I’m jealous! Hope you have a blast!
She texted him. We need to talk when you get home.
He asked what she needed. She pulled the I don’t want to talk about it over text, we’ll just talk tomorrow when you get home. So fucking passive aggressive.
He got fed up with it and turned his phone off.
All the while, I’m reminding him not to let her or anyone ruin our day together.
We stopped and had dinner and played some arcade games together. We had a wonderful day and evening.
When we got back to my house, he turned his phone back on and read all her messages. Apparently, the biggest issue she had was that HE had tagged me in Oakland and never tagged her anywhere. I forgot she was six.
During all this nonsense, my daughter commented on his post on Facebook and put a few smiley faces with hearts as the eyes. She likes E. She’s glad I’m happy.
I understand why the roommate is unhappy. I understand why her feelings are hurt. She sees the man she loves, falling in love with someone else. AND she sees it every day. He talks about me. He is happy with me.
I do feel empathy for her. She’s a 46 year old woman, she’s been divorced twice and finally met a nice guy. A guy who treats people like they should be treated. A man who is one of the best men I know.
I bounce back and forth between feeling guilty for her pain and judging her for acting like a child.
BUT, just because I understand her feelings, doesn’t mean I condone her behavior. She finally blocked me and my kid from Facebook. Now I don’t have to see her shit and she doesn’t have to see mine.
I think she is acting like a child. My mom is concerned that she may be a stalker and is worried for my safety.
I don’t know what will happen.
I’m happy to be falling in love with a man, who is falling in love with me too.
I’m terrified that her behavior is some how going to ruin things between him and I.