In all of the relationships I have ever had including dating, marriage, and friendships, I have never felt like I was irreplaceable or like I mattered that much. I know people have loved me over the years and even now, but its been very rare that I ever felt loved.
I have said goodbye to a lot of men and several friends over the past two years. Some by my choice, some just walked away, never to be heard from again. It hurts. Every. Single. Time. However, in the end, it always ends up being the right thing.
One of the things I’ve always wanted was to be loved with someone’s whole heart. To know that someone loves me because of my flaws and imperfections, not in spite of them. Someone that loved me enough to pay attention to the little things that I say or do.
You know, true love.
Well now, I seem to have found it.
A man who truly thinks that I am the greatest human alive. He laughs at my jokes, wipes the tears from my eyes and kisses my forehead as I fall asleep.
A man who brings me flowers for no reason. Or just because it’s Tuesday and thinks the flowers are pretty.
A man who listens to the words I say and files them away in a storage box, somewhere in his brain.
Almost a month ago, he said to me “We have plans on 2/28, make sure you don’t plan anything else.” I asked him what we were doing and he said it was a surprise.
Over the next two weeks, leading up to that Sunday, he was telling me things to prepare me, but not give it away.
Don’t wear any jeans with holes in the knees. And make sure to wear tennis shoes.
Don’t spend a lot of time doing your hair or makeup. It might be windy.
I want you to wake up at 6:30 am. I will go and get you coffee and something to eat, while you are getting ready.
We need to leave no later than 9:30 to get where we are going to be.
Honestly, my biggest fear at this point was that he was planning on taking me skydiving. I did not want to do this. Then I thought he knows you don’t like heights, skydiving isn’t an option.
I woke up before him the morning of February 28th.
He woke up a few minutes later and joined me for a cigarette. Before he lit his cigarette, he had started the shower for me, so it would be warm for me to get in.
I got in the shower, washed my hair and shaved my legs. Anxious and excited and nervous, beyond belief!
He went and got me coffee.
He then reminded me how many people knew about this adventure, besides me.
Ok I’m ready! *deep breath*
About an hour into our drive, we stopped to pee. Well, I needed to pee.
He handed me some folded up tickets that were in his pocket.
He had planned for us to go to San Francisco and take the ferry to Alcatraz.
Now, here’s the thing that is amazing about this plan from him. I have always wanted to walk around Alcatraz. For as long as I can remember. But while we were watching the Super Bowl, they showed the Golden Gate Bridge and the prison and I mentioned, in passing, that I would love to go there.
I never gave it another thought.
He remembered. He planned it.
We got to The City and parked. I was giddy with excitement. As we stood in line, getting ready to board the ferry, I looked at this man. He was smiling at me. I asked him why he was smiling. His response told me everything I ever needed to know. He said “I’m smiling because you are so happy and that makes me so happy”.
We docked at the prison and got off the ferry. I felt like I was in a movie. It was unreal. It all looked so big and magical and scary. I immediately thought how of terrifying it would be to be a prisoner, living on an island. The chance of escaping, slim to none. Even if you got out of the cell, you would never survive the swim in the freezing cold bay.
But then I remembered that they are criminals, the worst criminals, and don’t deserve for me to worry about them.
For those of you who have never stepped foot on Alcatraz, or any prison for that matter, here are a few pictures of what it looks like.
It’s pretty cool and creepy and I loved every minute of it!
After our tour completed, we went and had lunch at a place down on the pier. The lunch was really good, but not as good as the 24 oz. Pomegranate Margarita I drank.
So here I was, drunk at 4pm, in the City.
Laughing, shopping and amazed that this man had done this for me.
But our day wasn’t finished.
We got in the car and drove across the Golden Gate Bridge. It was spectacular! It had been years since I had been on this bridge and the beauty of it almost took my breath away. Or, it may have been the tequila.
We turned on to Highway 1 and started taking the twisting, turning road that runs along the ocean. He wasn’t done with our day.
We drove and sang and talked. He turned off and we headed towards a beach. He took my hand and walked me across the sand, telling me that he knew I loved the ocean and seashells and that there was no better time to be there, than sunset.
I’m pretty sure he was right.
We walked and kissed and collected seashells. We listened to the tide roll in and smash against the rocks. We smelled the bon fires and roasted marshmallows.
After the sun went down, my man had one last surprise for me.
We continued to drive, until we reached Lucas Valley Road. For those of you who don’t know, this street was named after George Lucas. His estate, Skywalker Ranch, is located on this road.
He pointed out the entrances to the ranch to me and I giggled like a child on Christmas morning. I’m a pretty big Star Wars fan and to know that I was on the same street that George Lucas lived on, was pretty exciting to me.
We continued the long drive home and as I looked over at this man, who had taken the initiative to plan an entire day, just for me, my heart swelled.
I have never felt that kind of love before.
I never realized a human could care so much about me, to take the time to plan a beautiful day, filled with activities that I would cherish for a lifetime.
I feel so grateful to have found him. And I know that he feels grateful to have found me.