Need To Get Back

Writing has always been therapeutic for me.  As I assume it is for most people that blog.

When I started this version of my blog, I was not yet 40.  I intended on writing about dating, sports, reality TV and whatever else seemed to pop into my head.  It mostly centered around dating.  The losers I was talking to from the internet.  The wide world web of dickheads.  The liars, the losers, the freaks.  The really hot ones that would never be interested in a girl like me.

Shortly after turning 40, I met E.  I wrote a lot about him and the journey to us becoming a couple.  But since we’ve become “we”, I haven’t written much.  For a few different reasons.

The first reason is that when things are good, what am I going to say?  “Things are good.  E made me dinner last night.  Then we watched Survivor and went to bed”.  That’s not exciting.  That isn’t worth writing about.

The second reason is that when things are not so good, I’m worried that he will someday track this blog down and read it.  I don’t need that kind of shit.  Like a mother or brother reading your diary.  Who needs it?

I also have nothing interesting to say about sports.  Kings still suck.  LeBron and Curry were in the finals, AGAIN this year.  The Braves aren’t that good.  The Raiders are moving to Vegas.

Ooooohhhh, exciting writing Andi.  Bring on the followers and new comments.

“yes, the Kings are still bad and always will be”

“Go LeBron”

“Go Steph”

So here is my dilemma and I am sincerely looking for feedback.

Do I come on here when needed and vent about things that aren’t perfect in my world? Do I talk about how LaVar Ball is going to ruin his son’s career, before it even gets started?  Do I let myself vent (outloud) about the disaster that is Corinne and DeMario on Paradise?

I miss writing.  I miss the interaction.  I miss getting this shit off my chest, so I don’t take it home and eat an entire pint of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream.

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All Over the Place

I have three drafts sitting here, unfinished.

I can’t really decide what to write about.  I have a million thoughts in my head and yet nothing seems right, once I see it on the screen.

Sometimes writing feels so natural and sometimes I feel like it’s a complete struggle.

Things are really good with E.  Like really good.  Like too good to be true, actually.  But I try to keep my mind focused on the things that are right, as to not sabotage the relationship.

I couldn’t really sabotage it at this point.  This man loves me.  Wholeheartedly.  He’s in the process of moving the last of his stuff in with me.  Yep.  You read that right.  He’s moving in.  WITH. ME.  Scary.  Exciting.  Lots of sex.

Tinder works.

I have a blog in the works about the surprise he planned for me a few weeks ago.  He really is wonderful to me. 

My old friend, BL, has turned out to be a bigger bitch than I originally thought.  The relationship ended because she’s a bitch and can’t apologize.

Well now, she’s decided to talk shit about me to mutual friends and actually said “I’ll beat her ass if I see her”.

Um, What?!?!

You are almost 40 years old.

Grow the actual fuck up.

I have two friends that are constantly on my mind.  Both fairly new friends.  I want to hug them both and punch the men who are hurting them.

My friend K doesn’t read this blog, she doesn’t even know it exists.  She is a fairly new friend, but one of those people you just click with immediately.  I feel like her and I are complete soul mates and may have been twins in another life.

K is going through so much right now in her marriage.  She is teetering on divorce or trying to work through it.  My heart hurts for her.

And Miss M, I love you dearly and I’m so grateful that this blog has brought us together and that we have built a friendship, 3000 miles apart.

And finally, on my day of randomness, the Bachelor.

This damn show is my guilty pleasure.

Monday is the finale and I can’t wait!

A few thoughts on it:

  • If Caila is the next bachelorette, I’m literally going to rip my own eyes out.
  • I love the final two on this show, but I hurt for them since Ben told them both he loved them.  They both have to think they won.
  • I was skeptical on Ben.  I thought this season was going to be boring, but he has been the best Bachelor in a while.  Very honest.
  • Becca is still my favorite.  I love her.
  • Olivia, Lace and Leah are horrible.

That’s all for now.  All the thoughts swirling in my head are now out on “paper”.

Maybe now, I can finish the blogs I’ve started.

Crazy Train?

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Do you ever hear something come out of someone’s mouth and think “Did I board the crazy train?”

I don’t necessarily mean the Ozzy train, although all I can hear is the music in my head at the moment.

As can you.

I’m sorry.

Let me take you on a little trip.

Stop One: The Ex-Roommate

As those of you who have been reading my blog know, E’s now EX-roommate is a real piece of work.  She moved in with him as friends with benefits, long before E knew who I was.  Well, he ended liking me.  Loving me.  And she ended up flipping the fuck out.

She clearly didn’t like me.  Which is fine with me.  I didn’t give one fuck.  But of course, E is her friend and it bothered him a bit.

He ended up ending romantic ties with her and told her they just needed to be friends.  They could still hang out once in a while, but they were just friends and roommates.  No more benefits.

She started stalking my Instagram, which is fine, we ALL do it.  But she would ask him questions about pictures I put on there a year ago.

She started stalking my Facebook, which again is fine, we ALL do it.  But she didn’t like what she saw and told him to ask me to block her.

She finally blocked me on Facebook but then when she couldn’t stand the not knowing anymore, she unblocked me.

Really?

I made my Instagram private and did end up blocking her on Facebook.  Bitch doesn’t need to know that much about me.

He finally asked her to move out.  A few months late, in my opinion.

He finally made things official with me.  Whatever “official” means.  I guess we can’t fuck others now.

He is now in the process of moving in with me.  Yippee!!  Full-time, live-in sex!

Since all this happened, she has been sending him sad text messages, mean messages, crying pictures on Snapchat and posting memes about failed love on Facebook.  Oh I’m sorry you are hurting, but come on!  Cry to your friends and write a blog, like normal girls do!

Anyway, last night is when I felt like I boarded the crazy train.

E met her at his house, so she could get a few things that she conveniently, I mean, accidently left there when she moved out and returned her key.

These are just a few of the gems that came out of her mouth to him last night, and she reiterated it all in text later last night.

  • I’m really glad you are happy E, I just wish it would have been with me.
  • Please let Andi know how sorry I am about being a crazy, jealous bitch.
  • Tell Andi it’s ok to unblock me now on Facebook, I want to see the things she tags you in.
  • I think in the future, we would all be really good friends.  We could hang out!
  • On Monday nights, when she watches the Bachelor, you should come over!

ALL ABOARD!!

None of this shit will happen.

I am not unblocking her.   You can’t always get your way.

I don’t care if you are sorry.  Crazy, jealous bitch can’t just be undone.

We aren’t, in the future or anytime, going to be really good friends.  Nor will we “hang out”.

And I do not think my boyfriend will ever be ditching me and my kids on Bachelor Monday, to come hang out with you.

Stop Two: The Ex-Friend

I cannot remember how much I wrote about her.  My Ex-Friend.  We’ll call her BL.

I have known her for 13+ years.  We met right before I got married and at the time, she was happily married with three kids.  We clicked instantly.  The connections that we had and where we were in life, quickly turned our work friendship into a best friendship.

Through the last 13 years, we have both gotten divorced, had deaths in our families, watched our children grow.  Our children have messed up and gotten back on tracks.  But ultimately, we were there for each other.

She had become increasingly mean and negative.  She would flip out on her boyfriend.  She would flip out on friends.  I always supported her, because that is what friends do.

Well, over the last year or so, I have been the target of her aggression.  When she drinks too much (every fucking day) she says mean things, just with the intention of hurting others.

In January, we got in a huge argument.  Actually, she argued and I just listened, until I hung up on her.  She was drunk and pissed that I didn’t stay somewhere she wanted me to stay.  She started calling me a horrible friend.  Telling me that I hated her kids and our friends kids (which is NOT true) and then when I tried to talk to her, she just said “FUCK YOU!”  So I ended the phone call.

I will not take that kind of treatment from anyone, let alone someone who claims to love me and be my best friend.

I expected there to be a phone call in a day or two.  Something from her, apologizing for her behavior.

Almost two weeks later, my phone rang and it was her.

I didn’t answer.

No message.  No follow up text.

A week after that, another phone call.

I didn’t answer.

No message.

Then about an hour later, the text message came through.

She told me that I was a horrible friend.  That I had never supported her relationship with her on again – off again boyfriend.  She said that she had every right to be honest with me about what she was feeling and it wasn’t fair of me to be mad.  Then she proceeded to tell me that she had supported me through my “slew of one night stands”, that she held all kinds of secrets of mine, that she couldn’t believe I was saying negative things about her kids and our friends kids because I “have one perfect child”, and that all mothers thought their children were perfect.  She ended the text by saying that she no longer wanted to be a part of my selfish world.

Ok.

I was livid.

I took a day to calm down and then I wrote this response to her:

I wasn’t going to respond to this text because it’s crap and you know it.  However, I have a few things I want to say.  You say that I never supported your relationship with XXXX, Although I’m the one that got you guys back talking all those years ago and have listened to you for hours and hours, tell me how horrible and mean he is to you.  So, like I have told you a thousand times, I just wanted you to be happy and if he’s the one, then so be it.  You think I’m selfish?  The friend who was there for you when you nephew passed away, when your sister had cancer, when your ex had cancer.  The friend that was there when you were struggling with your daughter and then happy to celebrate with you when she got things going good.  The friend who has traveled to every house you’ve lived in, but can count on two hands the number of times you’ve been to my house.  And yes, BL, I have made a lot of mistakes over the years and done a lot of things I’m not proud of but the biggest mistake was thinking I could trust a friend to not throw them back in my face.  We both hold secrets the other has told us, but the difference between us is that your secrets and mistakes are safe with me and always will be.  I have never and would never say anything about your kids or anyone else’s kids.  You know, as well as I do, that I have loved your kids since the day I met them.  I have heard those words come out of your mouth to others, more times than I can count.  You don’t want to be a part of my “selfish” life?  That’s fine.  I don’t need a friend who is cruel and nasty, just for the sake of hurting others.  Good luck to you.

I sent the message.

 

I don’t know if she saw the message or not.  She may have blocked me before that.  But I felt better sending it.  I don’t feel like I was nasty or angry or negative in the message.   

I was a little concerned that I may really miss her as a friend.  But a lot of my stress is gone.  I feel relieved not to have to worry every time my phone rings.  I feel relief because she couldn’t be happy for me, now that I finally found E and he’s wonderful to me.  She wanted me to be at her beckon call and didn’t like the fact that I wasn’t anymore.

I’m grateful that I have been able to get off this crazy train.

Neither of these stops matter to me anymore. 🙂

#winning

 

 

 

 

 

Things I Have Finally Learned at 40…

Every day, I try to learn at least one new thing.  Usually it is something little like “oh, they put in a new stoplight there” or “everyone has nipple hair”.

However, I have learned some good things and meaningful things, since I turned 40, a little over seven months ago.

  • True friends will be supportive of you.  They may not always agree with your decisions, but they will always support you.  When you are up or down.
  • I DO deserve to have a man who loves me unconditionally and doesn’t need me to “fix” him.
  • Women can be mean and heartless and bitchy beyond belief.
  • Even though Tinder is primarily considered a “hookup” app, you can still find true love.
  • Sometimes friendships just die.  People grow apart, they can’t be supportive of each other and they just end.  But, having said that, I also believe that friendships can just dissolve with no angry words being thrown around.
  • I look good with lipstick on.
  • You don’t have to know someone very long, to know that you are kindred spirits.  Both men and women.  Dating and friends.
  • I hate the word cunt, but have had to use it a lot lately.  Frankly, sometimes there is no other appropriate word.
  • For years, I have been programmed to think that skinny is what guys are after.  Turns out, not all guys want that.  Some guys do think women are sexy when they have a little meat on their bones.
  • I have also realized that friendships come in many forms.  You don’t have to see someone daily, talk to them on the phone or even have ever met them.  Sometimes you are just spirit animals with someone.

There are just a few things that I have learned.

I have found my love, lost a best friend and made a couple new friends, all since celebrating the 40th anniversary of my birth.

Oh, I also learned that a hair or two on your nipple, isn’t unheard of.

If I Had Won The Powerball…

The Powerball Lottery drawing was last night.  It was like $83.5 bazillion.  I may be exaggerating that. 

At my work, we all put in a couple bucks and bought a bunch of tickets together.  So we could all clearly say “Fuck you!” to this company and storm out together.

The thought of splitting $83.5 bazillion, got me to thinking about what I would do if I won that kind of money.

So, without further ado, here is what I would do, if I was the Powerball Lotto Winner…

  1. Buy every ticket to a Luke Bryan concert and let him sing solo to me.  Yep.  I would shake it for Luke, while he shook it for me.
  2. I would pay my mom back the $1,627.00 I owe her.  I would even include interest!
  3. Buy tickets to see the Atlanta Braves play in every stadium in the USA.  Especially in Atlanta.  God knows, I should have gone years ago, but that’s a whole other blog post. 
  4. Travel with the Sacramento Kings for all 82 regular season games.  Ok, maybe not travel WITH them, but definitely fly around to support them in every game.  They may think it was weird to fly with them.
  5. I would buy my daughter and her sister the $2,000.00 meet and greet for Justin Bieber.  Oh, she’d love me more than she already does!
  6. I would buy myself a new car.  Nothing fancy.  Just a fully loaded Chevy truck.  Maybe a Tahoe.  I’m not a Lexus or Mercedes type girl.  Give me a slightly lifted truck, blaring some Luke. 
  7. I would buy a house with a little bit of property.  Not a big house.  Unless I hired a maid also.  Which I could do with a bazillion dollars.  I would also buy some pet goats and a miniature donkey.  They are cute as fuck.
  8. I would also buy my daughter and her sister a house.  But far enough away from mind.  You think I’m joking. 

Those would have been my big plans had I won some money.

Since we won NOTHING, I will continue to come to my work every day and enjoy reading everyone else’s blogs.

50 Happy Things: Bloggers Unite in Flood of Gratitude

I’ve been seeing the happiness and gratitude posted all over the blog world today and thought, what the hell, I have a few things to be grateful for and things that have made me happy this year.

Here goes!!

  1. My kid.  She’s the very best of me.  I am more proud of her than anything else I’ve ever done.
  2. My bonus kid.  She’s 20, lost her mom last year.  She’s going to school full time and working part time.
  3. My family.  I love them all (most of the time)
  4. The fact that I haven’t told my job to go to hell.  Yay me!
  5. Orgasms.  Yep they make me happy.  Really, this could be every year though.
  6. My new friends.  M and K.  Different corners of the US and both wonderful new friends!
  7. Dr. Pepper
  8. Starbucks Iced Venti Tuxedo with four pumps of each syrup, extra ice and no whipped cream.
  9. People that can spell and use correct grammar.
  10. My new boots.
  11. E.  He makes me grin from ear to ear.
  12. My friendship with my ex-husband.  Unnatural maybe, but it works for us.
  13. The Sacramento Kings, when they win.
  14. The Oakland Raiders, when they win.
  15. Chipper Jones.  He tweeted me on my 40th Birthday.  I will NEVER forget this moment.
  16. Luke Bryan pit passes.  Luke Bryan all the time, but pit passes this year.
  17. Google.
  18. The fact that my daughter gets a discount on clothes at her job.
  19. My hair.
  20. The strangers that smile or say hello on a daily basis.
  21. Ladybugs.
  22. Facebook.  Most days.
  23. My dog.  He’s a pain in the ass, but so very loyal.
  24. My cell phone.
  25. The fact that I have smallish feet.
  26. Christmas lights.  Because why wouldn’t these make anyone happy?
  27. Orgasms.  Oh wait, I already put this on the list.  But I’m pretty sure they deserve two spots.
  28. Memories with my grandparents.
  29. The TV show Friends.
  30. Marlboro Lights.  Stop judging.
  31. Oh, I almost forgot tequila.  I’m VERY grateful for tequila.
  32. My new found ability to walk away from those who are hurtful and toxic.  This is a new skill for me.
  33. My direct supervisor.  As much as I hate my corporate company, my boss is the best.  And easy on the eyes.
  34. Nail salons and pedicures.
  35. Tweezers.  Because let’s face it, chin hairs suck as a woman.
  36. Bubble baths.
  37. Bubble baths with a partner.
  38. My ability to make people smile.
  39. People who hold the door open for others.
  40. On the flip side, those who say “thank you” when you hold the door for them.
  41. Candy Crush Soda Saga.  Again, stop judging.
  42. Colorful post it notes.
  43. My cowboy boots.  All of them.
  44. I love the fact that I am learning to love myself again.
  45. This blog.  Not because it matters to anyone but me, but I’ve met some great people on this blog.
  46. Eyeliner.
  47. Hot showers on a cold morning.  Except getting out.  That’s not so fun.
  48. My trip to Disneyland with my kid in the fall.  Best adventure we’ve had, just the two of us.
  49. Candy Cane Hershey’s Kisses.
  50. Did I mention orgasms?

 

Now you go!

If you’d like to join in, here’s how it works: set a timer for 10 minutes; timing this is critical. Once you start the timer, start your list (the timer doesn’t matter for filling in the instructions, intro, etc). The goal is to write 50 things that made you happy in 2015, or 50 thing that you feel grateful for. The idea is to not think too hard; write what comes to mind in the time allotted. When the timer’s done, stop writing. If you haven’t written 50 things, that’s ok. If you have more than 50 things and still have time, keep writing; you can’t feel too happy or too grateful!

When I finished my list, I took a few extra minutes to add links and photos.

To join us for this project: 1) Write your post and publish it (please copy and paste the instructions from this post, into yours). Click on the link below to join the party. 

Share your happy thoughts, your gratitude; help us flood the blogosphere with both!

 

Linkey thing here: http://www.inlinkz.com/new/view.php?id=592585

I’ve Started Writing…

and then stopped.

I have nothing to write about right now.

I’ve hit a mental road block.

Things are wonderful with E.  I didn’t expect them to be, but they are.

The Accidental Relationship pops in and out, when he’s lonely.  He actually told me he missed me the other day.

The 29 year old is a selfish little douche.  I am completely over that.  And frankly, my “relationship” with E, may be helping that.

We had a 60th birthday party for my stepdad.  It was fun, but nothing to write home about.

I drove down to SoCal with my daughter on Sunday and we spent 14 hours on Monday, walking around Disneyland.  It was the first time I had been, in more than 20 years and my first time there with her.  We had an absolute blast.  Roller coasters, rides, fairly short lines and junk food, with my favorite girl.

Work is work.

Regular season baseball is almost over and my team sucks.

Regular season football started and my team sucks.

Regular season basketball will start next month and my team will suck.

So that’s my life.

I guess it’s good that I have nothing horrible to write about.